Question: Exactly how much of a good thing do Americans have to have before they run it completely into the ground?
Answer: Apparently, about 8 – 10 oz.
If you stand anywhere in the heart of Manhattan (or any other major metropolis for that matter) and throw a lime wedge, you’re bound to hit a spa hawking “mojito manicures, pedicures and massages.” For a short-lived time we were also subjected to mojito-flavored chewing gum, not to mention the recent sightings of mojito beer, soda, energy drinks, cupcakes, jellybeans and ice cream. Then, of course, we have the inedibles: mojito lip balms, candles, body scrubs, bath salts, lotions and soaps. Are we really that quick to make a buck on culinary trends? I guess we should be thankful that there aren’t any short rib-scented candles as well, though I might be more apt to stick one of those in my bedroom instead. In fact, if the sense of smell is so damned powerful, perhaps they can come out with a line of food-scented candles for weight loss—put the fork down, light the candle, inhale deeply. Seriously, though, I have about as much desire to see a mojito listed in an Italian restaurant’s menu as I do to see my gynecologist at Back to School Night. I’m sure Papa Hemingway is retching in his grave at the mention of a mango mojito, a sake mojito, and a frozen mojito. Can’t we just leave a nice, refreshing, inoffensive cocktail the hell alone?!?
That being said, I think there’s some room for growth here for the wine industry. Wine-flavored jellybeans? Just think—you could mix and match the cab and merlot for a Bordeaux blend, perhaps with one or two petite verdots thrown in for good measure. Or just reach into the bag blindly and throw them all in your mouth at once for the equivalent of a Chateauneuf du Pape. Christ, they already have wine ice cream and chocolate….why not a partnership between Naked Winery and Just Born, Inc. for Naked Peeps?
I’m also game for some wine-flavored cough drops, toothpastes and dental fluoride treaments, so start taking notes. Any other products out there that would be better off being wine flavored? (In)edible panties, maybe? Hell, they already have Smirnoff mojitos (a contradiction in terms) so why not riesling-flavored vodka? Perhaps a little wine would actually give that shit a personality. Listen up wine makers, if the cocktail scene can sell out, so can you! Americans are just as good at running a BAD idea into the ground, so don’t be afraid—we promise we’ll bend over and let you shove that shiraz-flavored straw up our ass so you can suck us dry, too.