“Any trick in the book, now baby, that I can find…”

by Katie Pizzuto on October 27, 2008

in candy

Halloween is, hands down, my favorite holiday. And frankly, all these goofy lawn decorations I’ve been seeing over the last couple of years have really gotten my goat. I thought Halloween was about fear, dread and shock? Why must we dilute everything in order to make it more palatable for those who don’t have the shorts for a good fright? All the ghosts I see have smiles! The witches all look goofy, the zombies don’t appear at all menacing, and the skeletons might as well be throwing a tea party. It sucks! Every kid should go to bed on Halloween night with a healthy fear of the shadows that crawl across their walls. They should lay awake for a good hour or so (they’ll be on a sugar high anyway) with their ears honed sharply to all foreign noises, and they should yell down to make sure their parents are still alive at least twice.

But worse than these happy shiny atrocities that welcome trick-or-treaters rather than dare them to approach, are the lousy “treats” that some of these kids get tossed into their pillow cases. I can distinctly remember running anxiously towards certain houses as a child, knowing they always had the good stuff to hand out, and I also remember learning how to avoid certain homes that would dole out spare change, raisins or candy corn. If that’s what gets you off, fine, but for Pete’s sake, don’t subject the rest of us to it! And remember those funny looking orange marshmallow circus peanuts? How about granola bars or those disgusting popcorn balls? WTF? And Necco Wafers, anyone?

I, personally, like to hand out stuff I love—stuff I would want to get as a kid. It’s up to the kids’ parents to give them healthy food each day, not me. M&Ms, Snickers, Milky Ways, 3 Musketeers…all of that makes the cut. Pretzels and veggie chips? Not so much. Those that would say that “you shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth” can eat my shorts because they’ve obviously never been handed a bag of baby carrots when all they really wanted in this great glorious culinary world is a damned piece of chocolate melting in their mouth.

{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }

1 smokenmirrors October 27, 2008

I was driving through my neighborhood the other night and I had to think for a second….is it Christmas already??!! The majority of homes are done up with hundreds upon hundreds of yellow and orange lights.It was the goblins and witches witch made me realize that once again it was time for trick or treaters.
When I was a kid I always knew the people who would give out the best treats. For me my jones was hershey bars and m&m’s as an adult I now make sure that our trick or treaters are given Hershey Bars and M&M’s (there should be some tradition you know)Adult chaperones are offered and usually accept an iced shooter of Stoli.
Past few years I have been answering the door with a cup of hot water with a few pellets of dry ice inside. Its quite a spectacle

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2 Katie Pizzuto October 27, 2008

Iced shooter of Stoli? I’m bringing my kid to your neighborhood! Truth be told, I usually make myself a hot buttered rum and drink it from a coffee thermos cup while I walk with him!

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3 Coupe 60 October 27, 2008

Katie, when I was young there was a house on my block that used to give out caramel or candy apples (your choice). since my mother knew the woman, we were allowed to accept an unwrapped candy apple and eat it. It was hands down the go to house on my block. My other favorites are M&M’s, Hershey bars, and mounds bars…

In general any loose candy (no matter how good it would actually be), was off limits…It would never make it through the highly sophisticated candy sorting process undertaken by my mother and father on the dining room table. It was funny but the really good candy often didn’t make it through the process either (now as a parent myself I know what happened to that stuff).

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4 Katie Pizzuto October 27, 2008

Coupe: my son got wise to the “parent sorting process” and now likes to be witness to it, so that he, like the good future lawyer he is, can request sufficient reason for us sorting the candy out!

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5 Linsey October 27, 2008

Here in the Uk Halloween is not the same as USA – there are very few real trick or treat walks for the kids… a recent poll had a view that parents here thought that the practice was a ‘threatening’ thing because of too many teenagers turning it into a harrassment of the elderly – and therefore spoilt it for the little children

It doesnt stop the shops being awash with pumpkin and bat shaped chocolates though – and jack-o-lanterns ready to be carved at half price

but the groups of very small children dressed up as mini ghosts and witches – just not in the same way

to be fair though – its probably coz only 6 days later is Guy Fawkes night – where the general public get to fill the skies with fireworks, go to local displays and have burgers, hot dogs and jacket potatoes while freezing our butts off with a sparkler in hand making figures of eight light shows as we swirl the sparkling firey stick around

damn i love sparklers hehe – and all for the memory of dragging a man through the streets, hanging him for a bit, then gutting him before sticking his head on a pole for all to see – and just because he tried to blow up the king

oh sweet British traditions!!!

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6 Katie Pizzuto October 27, 2008

“and all for the memory of dragging a man through the streets, hanging him for a bit, then gutting him before sticking his head on a pole for all to see…” We celebrate that here too….they call it “The First Thanksgiving” but I think the Native Americans call it bullshit 😉

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7 Linsey October 27, 2008

i missed out the bit about cutting his genitals off and throwing them on the fire – lol – maybe thats why we burn an effigy of Guy on the day!!

oh and did i say hes suppose to be live and concious throughout for the best effect

***********
On thanksgiving …

Must admit – i do like your pumpkin pies – seriously yummy!

wtg thanksgiving day!

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8 Tish October 28, 2008

We’re giving out grains of rice this year… teach these kids about frugality, humility and Zen-like tranquility. Not to mention a high-fiber, whole-grain, gluten-free nutrition.

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9 Katie Pizzuto October 28, 2008

Tish, you should think twice about that lest some kids drop their grains of rice and cause birds to choke on them….PETA would NOT be happy 😉

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10 Linsey October 28, 2008

is that grains of rice that have been coated with choccy powder and called ‘coco pops’

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11 Coupe 60 October 29, 2008

@Katie, Frack PETA…(Paul and Mary too while you’re at it)..

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12 Katie Pizzuto October 29, 2008

Coupe: 🙂 🙂

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13 Kyle October 30, 2008

Katie, Scary is great unless you are married to one who cannot watch tv at this time of year because of the horror movie commercials…………yes, she has a bit of fear in her, not all fire.
But let us not forget the altime Haloween favorite of “Its the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown.”

PETA= People Eating Tasty Animals Yum!

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14 Katie Pizzuto October 31, 2008

Kyle….Great Pumpkin is the BEST non-bloody Halloween movie hands down–can’t argue with that!! As for the scary ones, my family doesn’t like them either, so I’m forced to watch them by myself, late at night, when everyone’s asleep….I wouldn’t have it any other way!!

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15 Jeff November 4, 2008

HEAR HEAR!! Turn out the light and bring on the OMEN TRILOGY!!! And accompany it with some hot chocolate…and an assortment of M&M’s, Kit-Kat’s, Bit-O-Honey’s, you name it!!!

😉

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